When I first got into makeup, I didn’t think it would make me think this hard.
I know that’s kinda funny, but it’s true. I’ve had many episodes of what felt like existential crises, all thanks to something that most people would deem frivolous and shallow. And OK, maybe these personal observations and this “”inner turmoil”” are pretty petty in the grand scheme of things… but even deeming that shallow is part of what brings about this line of questioning.
Let me explain:
Makeup and beauty have always been linked to vanity even if we, as beauty lovers and enthusiasts, know that that’s not always the case. Still, this outside judgement somehow makes me feel guilty, sometimes, even about just merely liking makeup. One of my earliest posts, Makeup Raves from the Unlikeliest, kind of delves into that incongruity of my apparent personality and this sudden interest in makeup.
There is a stigma attached to makeup that automatically stamps people who are into it as rilly, rilly shallow and ditzy people. Then, I feel really stupid because my deepest desire when that happens is to somehow try to prove that I’m not, I’m not, I’m not! After this bout of weird insistence, I end up asking myself: why do you care so much what other people think?
See, to most people, being into makeup and beauty products is a signal that this person cares way too much about what other people think of her because she spends so much time, money, and effort on the way that she looks. Beauty lovers get attached a label or a type solely because they like having good lipstick and it’s horrible! Plus, improving upon your appearance gets you called a liar, for some reason?? What’s up with that?
Truthfully, though, it’s when I decide to put on a dark purple lipstick or wear canary yellow eyeshadow that I feel strangely free. Because I know that my acceptance of whatever possessed me to put on that kind of face on that day is pretty much saying that I don’t give a shit about what other people say or think about me.
It’s hard being scrutinized for something so meaningless, but it’s even harder when you let these things get to you so much that you stop being yourself.